So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
