we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
