my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
