Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
