Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
