No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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