epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
