i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
soo... how was my night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
