i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize