if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
