whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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