im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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