Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
