she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
