It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
