i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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