it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
