We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
