i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
