I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
