It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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