jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I would ride that face into the sunset
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
