Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
