His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
