i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
