i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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