My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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