When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
