OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
