By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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