she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
