So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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