best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
