look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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