We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize