I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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