Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
