so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I did not marry a roomba.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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