so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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