life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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