The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just had sex bonerless
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize