you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
