she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i now understand why vodka
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
