I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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