i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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