then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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