drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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