You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
