Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
