The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
