It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
