She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Randomize
