i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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