My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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