ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
