this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
