ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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