did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
