I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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