I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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