remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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