he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
