Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
