I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just gift wrapped bread.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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