Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
