My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
