Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
